The Golden Rule of Forgiveness

Immediately following the Lord's Prayer, Jesus added something that stops most of us cold: "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you — but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." ( Matthew 6:14-15 )

That is not a suggestion tucked into a footnote. Jesus said it the moment the prayer was finished, as if He knew we would need the reminder before we even stood up from our knees.

Step 8 asks us to become willing — not just to make amends, but to forgive. And for many of us, that willingness is the harder part. Some of the people on our list hurt us first, or hurt us worse than we hurt them. Deep down we may still think they deserved what we did. And honestly? Maybe some of them did. After all, "the wages of sin is death" ( Romans 6:23 ) — that is just the law of cause and effect.

But here is where a good friend's saying cuts right to the heart of it: "It's a two-way street." Because "all have sinned and fall short" ( Romans 3:23 ), and that includes me too — no exceptions, no asterisks. Romans 5:12 makes it plain that sin and death spread to every one of us. Which means I deserve that same wage just as much as the person I'm struggling to forgive. That is a sobering thought. And once it lands, I can't honestly put myself above them anymore. We are standing on the same ground.

There is something else that helps when resentment is still burning. "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Jehovah" ( Romans 12:19 ). That is not a threat aimed at the person who wronged me — it is actually a relief for me. I don't have to carry it. Justice is real, and it belongs to Someone who can handle it far better than I can. My job is not to repay. My job is to let go.

And here is the clincher: "the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" ( Romans 6:23 ). That gift was not issued only to me. It is available to every person who has wronged me — the same grace I am standing in is being extended to them. So why would I withhold from them what has so freely been given to me?

Forgiveness is a decision. It is an act of the will — handled the same way we handle any other temptation or besetting sin. We can be just as bound by unforgiveness as by any other spiritual chain. But let's be clear about what forgiveness is not: it does not mean pretending the wrong never happened, or that it didn't matter. It means choosing to allow for another person's failures the same way I want others to allow for mine. When I put it that way, it starts sounding familiar — like the Golden Rule seen from a different angle. Maybe we need a Golden Rule of Forgiveness: "Forgive others as you would have them forgive you."

Paul put it this way: "Put on therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved — compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another. Even as Christ forgave you, so you also must forgive." ( Colossians 3:12-13 )

And Jesus Himself closes the loop: "And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." ( Mark 11:25 )

Step 8 does not ask us to feel forgiving before we act. It asks us to be willing — and to bring that willingness honestly before our Father. The feelings can follow the decision, just as works follow faith. Start there. Pray the prayer at the top of this study and mean it as much as you can today.