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My human tendency is to consider myself well-able to handle whatever life brings to me. I want to be in control, but when I consider the awesome power and goodness of God, I can't help but resonate with the Psalmist, when he said, Have mercy upon me, O Jehovah; for I am withered away: O Jehovah, heal me; for my bones are troubled. ( Psalms 6:2 ). Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity; And in sin did my mother conceive me. ( Psalms 51:5 ). O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? ( Romans 7:24 ).

For 25 years, I insanely fought my sinful nature in the same way -- expecting different results every time temptation came. But, just has 2+2=4 -- every time I figure it -- so did I continue to get the same results -- failure, guilt, and shame -- every time I tried to solve my problems MY way. I thought I could fight it myself. I thought God would give me more strength of will so that I could have the victory in MY strength. But, I continued to get the same results -- wretched failure.

Though sinless, Jesus said that even He "can do nothing of himself" ( John 5:19 ), so why did I pretend that I was OK? Why did I think that, after being saved by Grace, that I could live my life on my own? Why did I think that I could be the master of my own destiny?

It is a central paradox in the process of sanctification, that admission of powerlessness is key to receiving victory in Jesus. The apostle Paul said it this way: "I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." ( 2 Corinthians 12:10 ).

It was only when I began to accept the impossibility of having enough strength to fight this battle on my own, honestly admitting my need, that I was ready to accept the power of God in my life to give me victory over my addictive behaviors. It was only when I began to accept that I am a wretched creature that a path to healing began to open up to me. I began to find a new way to use my will power -- not so much in fighting, but more in trusting the God of my understanding to lead me in the paths of righteousness. To Him, I give all the honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.